


On Rooftops and Rises

by SouthernSunshine



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 03:54:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16077854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernSunshine/pseuds/SouthernSunshine
Summary: "So, Brendon, how did you propose to Sarah?""Well, it was more of a statement than a proposal."





	On Rooftops and Rises

**Author's Note:**

> I got a little inspired. Short one-shot.

I never liked Sarah’s hair in my face, but tonight I don’t pay too much attention to the way the strands sting my eyes. They won’t anymore soon, anyways. 

 

No, tonight my mind’s somewhere else as I’m looking over Seattle. And I brought her along for the first, and last time, to see. 

 

Sarah’s eyes are bigger than they usually are, which is a surprise because I always thought they couldn’t get any larger. She’s never done anything I expect her to do, which is maybe the reason why I’m so addicted to her love. She loves without any hesitation. 

 

I remember what this place looked like three years ago, the memory not pushed back too far in my mind; when I sat here all those years ago with a boy I was madly in love with. Looking at the moon together, barely knowing what to say. But that was a lie. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. Brought me up to a beautiful place just to make his words sound less ugly. That sums him up quite well; vicious words wrapped up in pretty sentences, spoken from an even more beautiful mouth.

 

Sarah’s eyes are staring up to the sky, astonished at how clear it is up here. I was like that too when he first took me here. Also loved without hesitation. Big mistake. 

 

“It’s so pretty. How come you’ve never taken me here before?” 

 

I move my head away from her, now looking at the city lights. Nothing’s changed since I was last up here on that rainy evening, and nothing probably will. Sometimes it scares me, how we’re not that different, me and Ryan. I probably don’t love Sarah in the same way she loves me. And tonight, I have every intention of breaking up with her. Leaving her up here, in tears, the same way he did to me. Thought it would be best for me to take her to this place, a fucked up way to end a cycle of unrequited loves. I know it’s horrible, but I can’t be with her anymore. It’s not fair.

 

“We’re here now.”

 

_We’re here now._ Those words probably mean a lot more to her than they do to me. An empty promise, really. Because we’re nowhere. She knows that, and I’m aware. Aware of the fact that we’re here, on this rooftop, where I kissed the love of my life years ago. And now I’m sitting here with my soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend. 

 

I hoped that we’d never make it this far. More for her than for me. I’ll be fine, all alone. I think. 

 

I can’t forget about his mannerisms; how I could tell it was him from miles away by seeing his tall frame and head that hung too low. Something I tried to change about him. Wanted to make him see that he should always be confident, keep his chin pointed upwards. Wanted to make him feel the way I saw, no, _see_ him as: Perfect. 

 

Sarah takes my hand, and for some reason my heart feels less empty. 

 

Maybe there’s a different universe; one where I prefer the ocean over forests. A universe where I can fully give my heart to the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on, who’s sitting right next to me. Maybe there’s a universe where he doesn’t exist, because only then would I have the certainty of never falling for him. 

 

But we’re not in any of those. We’re in our universe, on this rooftop. She’s sitting next to me.

 

She stayed and he did not. 

 

Sometimes it scares me, how much I think that we’re alike, me and Ryan. But that’s why I need Sarah. To remind me that I am not like him. That I’m not a quitter. As if on cue, her voice soothes my thoughts. Reminding me of what I have, not what I want.

 

“Yeah, we’re here now. Glad that you took me here. It shows me that you really care.” She laughs it off and I can see her ocean-coloured eyes sparkling a little, but I can’t tell if they glisten with tears or not. 

 

Even though tonight was _supposed_ to end in tears, I don't feel good when I think about her crying. Don't feel relieved or free when I say the words. I can picture it; one of us storming off and the other left on their own. Contemplating whether they should just let go and jump down.

 

I’m not like him. At the very least I don’t want to be. I can’t get myself to break her heart, because in some way she healed mine. Even though she probably knows I’ll never be able to fully give myself to her, she’s here with me. So I’ll give her the best I can do.

 

“I want to marry you.” 

 

Her hand that’s holding mine shifts a little. Now realizing what I’ve said, I look at her. 

 

“Yeah”, I nod slowly, because it makes sense. “I want to marry you.”

 

“I didn’t expect that”, she says to me. 

 

Well that’s a first from me to her, then. Was about time I surprised her for once. 

 

Her shocked face starts to form into one with a smile on it. “Yes? Yes. _Yes,_ I want to marry you too.” 

 

She laughs and we hug. It’s simple, she’s not crying. And neither am I. 

 

So maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be for now. Simple and happy. I’m not like him. _I won’t be like him._ A good way to end a fucked up cycle; one of unrequited love. He breaks up with me here, and I propose. Yeah, that sounds right. 

 

And when I look into her ocean eyes, the only thing I can think of is how they’re not green like his. And how her hair’s not as short as his. How she’s not him. 

 

That’s okay though, because this makes sense. And no one should be him, because he was a nightmare. 

 

But nightmares can always turn to dreams if you’re asleep long enough. And maybe that’s what this is, a really deep slumber. Waiting for something better to wake me up. 

 

For now though, I’ll look at the moon with her. Wait until it’s disappeared. And we’ll think about what comes next later, because there’s no use in rushing something that’s not going anywhere. 

 

 

 


End file.
